But sadly a week ago E stopped sleeping solidly for those 10 magical hours. Instead we have gained a monster in the night. We are still putting her down around 8, but she wakes for a feed around 1, and then can stay awake for anything up to three hours. She then wakes again by 6 or 7 and is ready for the day to start. We are getting a block of three hours sleep ourselves, followed by three awake, followed by two asleep. Not enough.
She has terrible wind and stomach cramps, which we think may be waking her/ keeping her awake. Every night at the moment involves gripe water, a lot of shushing and swaying, and a lot of resentment. That is the hardest bit, knowing I resent my daughter. Those long hours in the night seem never-ending, and I just want to scream at her. It doesn't help that day time naps are a battle too, and much of the day seems to be spent with E grizzling and crying. She no longer wants to play on her playmat, or be put down at all. All in all I am feeling pretty exhausted and worn down, my coping mechanisms not helped by the sleep deprivation.
Amongst this, we do have magical moments, glimpses of our happy baby. Yesterday, she laughed for the first time when a raspberry was blown on her tummy. She gives beautiful smiles, particularly when out and about in her pushchair. Her favourite game is to give a big smile and gurgle, then act all coy and hide her face. Although less frequent, she still burbles and talks away at times. She has started to splash in the bath, and her hand-eye coordination is getting better. I try to appreciate these moments, remembering how much I love E, trying not to hold the sleep torment against her. But it is hard.
I just want to get rid of our monster in the night, and get our happy E back.